Rain.

God…I love rain so much. It brings so much peace to me.

With everything going on…police brutality, COVID-19, unrest, protests, elections, job loss, losing loved ones, personal pruning and growth, and reality checks, I have holed up like a hermit. Granted, it’s not like we can really go out and hang with our friends right now but I have taken this whole quarantine thing and applied it to my life like a healing ointment.

There are days that I am all alone and days that I am lonely. There are days that I am all alone and reveling in the quiet of my mind. For someone who seems to constantly brim with anticipation, I called an inner cease fire and just sat with myself.

Just sat.

Occasionally, there’s a moment of discouragement and disappointment that I haven’t done more with the last 5 months to “better myself and help those around me.” But for this short amount of time, so far, I feel like it was time for me to shut off. Stop thinking. Stop trying to make things happen. Stop trying to be a better person. Stop roaming. It’s been weird to not do anything. It’s been weird to not be working on a plan or an idea. I would say that I’m a pretty patient person but waiting for myself, with no real plan or idea as to why….bruh. What I leaned on for guidance in the past, isn’t useful and I’ve found myself relying on each and every individual hour to get me through the day. Inadvertently, I’m learning all over again, how to be present in the here and now AND IT HAS BEEN DIFFICULT.

My sixth grade teacher, Mrs. Brewster, one time said, “Only boring people get bored.” That single sentence shifted something inside of me that never left. “I’ll never be a boring person.” Waiting and being “still” is far from boring. It is single-handedly one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

I wrote this in July of 2020. Apparently, I was being so still, that I forgot to hit “publish.”