This post started out as just one sentence in a cover letter for a job I was applying for. It progressed into a whirlwind of emotion and near panic.

When I was younger, I wanted to be Indiana Jones. Now that I’m a bit older, I’ve laser-focused my dream to travel writer. A broader idea…storyteller.

If I could be paid well for doing anything in the world (other than being a mom), I would choose to travel the world and tell stories.

I’ve worked for the same company since I was 28 years old. I’m an art director, graphic designer, social media marketer. I love research and I love creating. I’ve been sitting at the same desk for almost 20 years and as much as I enjoy what I do, it has slowly eaten away at my dream and my passion. It wasn’t always like this for me. Throughout junior high, high school, and college, I traveled the world. I told stories. I spoke in front of thousands of people…I was a traveling story teller. My life was built around relating to people, helping people, encouraging people to be hopeful and ultimately help them fall in love with being alive…fall in love with themselves…who they had been, who they are, and who they were going to be. I thrived on watching people’s countenance change in front of me from hopeless to hopeful – sadness to joy.

In my mid 20’s, I suffered damaging trauma and was no longer able to be and do what I had built my life doing. I tumbled into dark depression and began retreating from society. I gave up. Completely.

A man reached out to me and gave me a shot at becoming a graphic artist in his company and I took it. I’ve been with him ever since, learning, growing, and evolving into the career I have today. As the years pass, I’m still haunted and troubled by the events that brought me here. I am grateful for what I have and the opportunities that were given to me but decades of fulfillment were taken from me and I grieve for that stolen part of my life.

To lay it all out on the table, I want more. My daughter was born and I adopted her in 2011. She’s 7 years old now. She is my drive to do better…to be better. I promised her birthparents that I would work for the rest of my life to give her what they couldn’t and I will…but there’s so much more that I want to give her. There’s so much more that I want to teach her. Our conversations at dinner revolve around business plans and brainstorming ideas to create opportunities for us to “travel, go on adventures, and help people”. That’s us. I haven’t been able to do that in the way that I want at the job I currently have so I have been researching, planning, and working on creating a job for myself so we CAN do these things. I figured, if I can’t find one out there that exists already, then I’m going to have to create it.

Fear is a monster. It has held me back for so many years. Even now as I type this, I think about finally taking the step to make our dreams happen and how I’m going to pay the bills and put food on the table. All I can hear in my mind is “you take the steps and leave the ‘hows’ to God”. It is daunting and I am afraid. I am reminded of how I wanted to be Indiana Jones…

I suppose now is my chance. But what next? WHAT DO I DO? I’m terrified.

I feel scattered. Do I stay at my job and work on building something new? I’ve been trying to do that for years. Do I quit my job and use my time to build something new? How do bills get paid? How do I take care of my kid?

How do I trust that the great God of the Universe is going to be there when I take that step?

Yes.

Allow me to define it for you.

yes - adv. : It is so; as you say or ask. Used to express affirmation, agreement, positive confirmation, or consent.

1. An affirmative or consenting reply. 2. An affirmative vote or voter. tr.v. yessed, yes·sing, yes·es To give an affirmative reply to. interj. Used to express great satisfaction, approval, or happiness.

Here's my thought: I've been knocking around the idea of new ventures for years now but I've become quite complacent with my job and content with the security that comes with it. Back in the day, I thought that I was a super hero of sorts and because of that, took on adventure after adventure without ever having blinked an eye. I thrived on adrenaline and the "sport" of travel. Before I was 25, I had discovered 13 countries for myself and lapped up every cultural morsel the world had to offer.

After returning to America, I took on my first dream job and worked as a minister for 4 years (I know, I know...I was a Rev. and some of you are giggling). After realizing that I didn't fit into the ministry culture, I resigned that position to work at my next dream job...graphic designer. Here's the dealio, I've been doing graphic art for 12 years and moved into an Art Director position 8 years ago. I freaking love it. In the midst of doing this graphic design stuff, I became a member of an indie rock band called Eric and the Adams. That was four years of adventure, travel and creativity all wrapped into one. Crazy town.

The last 6 years of my life, I have become happily engaged, bought a home, was the drummer in a rock band, had a child, raised money (not because I'm amazing but because my friends are) for a solo album, worked on tour with a phenomenal musician - learning the hard work of a stage hand, and now....

Well. Now what?

The message of what I'm trying to convey is that all these humbling opportunities came to me and I had to make a decision. What do I say?

"Angel, would you like to travel all over the world?"

"Angel, would you like to come work for me as a graphic artist?"

"Angel, would you like to be the drummer in my new band?"

"Angel, will you record your music?"

"Angel, will you marry me?"

YES! I said, "Yes."

Things have been a little strapped because of the way the economy has fallen and I have found myself scrambling to make ends meet. With that and the very real fact that I mentioned earlier that I just don't fit the culture of where I am. I realize more everyday that I don't fit into the traditional role that a patriarchal socially structured environment would want me. I need to redirect my path.

I have been looking for a way to open doors for myself so that I can step into a new phase of life.

Not too long ago, I was given an opportunity to take a class at a community college here in Tulsa. It was a radio class. The class was paid for...all I would have to do is enroll and show up. If any of you have known me for long, you know that I really enjoy entertaining (when I was younger, I would practice my award speeches out in the yard - I've accepted countless Emmys, Tonys, Oscars, and Grammys). Here's the sad part...I got wrapped up with too many things that don't matter, instead of focusing on the stuff that will get me on track. I didn't say, "Yes". This class would have gotten me on track. It was my next step and I missed it. Have you ever done that before...a few weeks later you wish you could go back in time and slap yourself out of your slumber? Things change for me when I say yes. No more missed opportunities...

SO, I'm in full preparation of a new chapter...a new "dream job". I'll work diligently at my 9-5er until I can fully step out on my own but let me tell you this...it is not without fear, anxiety, adrenaline, and hope.

My partner and I have a running joke from a familiar cliché.

The cliché? "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it". Our variation? "We'll jump off that bridge when we come to it."

I'm lucky to have a partner who supports my ever growing need to push the boundary, break the glass ceiling, smash socioeconomic class, and jar the mindset of poverty. I'll happily jump off this cliff. I've jumped off of so many and it has taken me to places I've never dreamed. My way of opening doors for myself is to say, "Yes".

SO, I say yes to the things ahead.